I remember when I was an analyst at a hedge fund. One day, a company I invested in got acquired, and I made a 30% return in a single day.
You’d think that would be cause for celebration, right?
But my bosses never said “congrats,” and
honestly, I didn’t want to hear it anyway.
The funny thing about making money is that once you do,
you’re not looking for a pat on the back—
you’re thinking, “How do I make more?”
But if I lost money?
That’s when my boss would blow up—sometimes at me but also at himself.
He was the one who made the ultimate decision to buy the stock, and when things didn’t go as expected, instead of blaming me, he took out his frustration on himself.
When I became the portfolio manager,
I would beat myself up all the time for mistakes I made.
There were no excuses.
Similarly, as a mom, when my son brought home grades that I knew they could improve on, I was frustrated. Is it my responsibility or my son?
Back in my “Tiger Mom” days, I might have reacted just like my boss—angry and disappointed at myself for not monitoring how my son spends his time.
My old self would want to yell and take away his video games,
but this time I tried something different.
Instead, I asked my son what happened.
At first, he tried to make excuses, but quickly realized they weren’t valid.
Then, I used a little trick—Taking the monkey off my back and putting the monkey on his back.
A “monkey on your back” is a problem that someone can’t easily get rid of.
In this case, I couldn't solve my son's problem, he needed to solve his own problem—refocusing on his studies but for a reason.
So how did i do this?
It’s Henry's goal to get good grades so he can go to boarding school, not my goal.
He wants independence and doesn’t want to be the last of three kids still living at home.
We all forget our long-term goals sometimes, getting caught up in the day-to-day.
In the days that followed, I saw a change.
He started focusing on his studies again, without me having to nag him.
The video games took a backseat (he only plays now for an hour a day),
and he began to care about his grades.
It’s not manipulation—it’s empowering someone to solve their own problems.
We all need a little help remembering what we’re working towards.
Sometimes, the best way to get there is by putting the monkey back where it belongs—on our own backs.
Writing helps me reflect and figure things out when it comes to parenting,
investing in myself, which in turn helps me invest in others and write better stories.
With gratitude, thank you for reading!
Tiffany Kent
Your Friendly Wealth Engagement Guide
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