Houston, We Have a Problem

My husband told me to go f .. figure it out.

I was in Houston. Three young kids. Money in the bank.

And I was paralyzed with anxiety about whether I would have enough.

On paper, I had nothing to worry about.

But in my head, I was back in my childhood crappy Beverly Hills apartment, watching my mom do nothing about her financial future.

Next week I'm speaking to my dad's men's club in New Canaan.

(Just got postponed due to weather to Feb 10th! )

Topic: How to talk to your wife about the stock market and money.

As I write this presentation, I keep coming back to that version of me in Houston and my fear of ending up like my mother.

I didn't know what I wanted.

I didn't know how to invest for the long term or in my future.

I was terrified of doing nothing like my mom.

When I was miserable and full of anxiety, I didn’t know what to do. 

Wondering if my husband had a clue. 

Instead, he yelled, "Go figure it out!" 

He was right. What he gave me was space and time.

Here's what I've learned since:

My anxiety wasn't really about money.

It was about direction or lack thereof.

I didn't have a plan. I didn't know what I was building toward.

So every market dip felt like a threat.

The shift came when I finally wrote down what I wanted.

On a piece of paper. Nothing fancy.

Slowly, my energy changed.

My decisions started pointing in the same direction.

It took years to build the life I have now.

But today? I don't have anxiety about money.

So here's what I'll tell those men in New Canaan:

If your wife seems anxious about money, don't just show her the portfolio.

Don't just explain the benchmarks.

Ask her what she's really afraid of.

Because her anxiety might not be about the stock market at all.

It might be about a childhood she's still trying not to repeat.

That was my story.

And I bet it's more common than any of us realizes.

What's driving your relationship with money—logic or something deeper?

(photo taken in 2016, when we lived in Houston) 

Tiffany Kent

Your Friendly Wealth Engagement Guide

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