I’ve been fighting with my daughter to study more for the ACT.
I would like her to take it one and done in September so she doesn’t have to struggle with:
- studying for the ACT during her junior year,
- regular school work with AP classes,
- cheerleading, singing, lacrosse and
- performing at Farmer’s Markets on the weekends.
Oh, and she gets her driver’s license in a month.
The way I see it, she has no time during the school year.
The way she sees it, she will study over the weekends.
The way I see it, I don’t understand why she doesn’t value her time now and focus before school starts.
The way she sees it, she can only study for 2-3 hours a day and instead wants to hang out with her friends.
The way I see it, I need to establish more boundaries, so I froze the credit card.
I am a tiger mom trying to protect her valuable and limited time.
But I knew I was losing this fight. Finally, I realized I couldn’t win, so I gave up.
Little did I know ACT is not just a test, but ACT also stands for Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT), developed in the 1980s by psychologist Steven C. Hayes.
I stop struggling with my inner emotions. I began to accept my hardships and commit to making necessary changes in my behavior.
I then realized I was unwilling to tell her how much I hated studying for the SAT in high school.
But years later, when I was more mature, I took a week of vacation from my intense investment banking job to study for the GMAT at the UCLA library.
I recall taking the GMAT on a Saturday, getting the score I wanted, trading in my VW Fox (photo of my first car above and buying myself a BMW (Used, of course).
So, from my personal experience and as a financial advisor, I failed to teach her the two most important lessons in life: delayed gratification and trade-offs.
I shifted my attention. I told her she would probably have to take the test several times over the year, which I didn't want to happen.
I also finally decided to give her an allowance.
I am giving up the control I have over her so she can learn to make her own trade-offs and decisions about going out with her friends versus studying for the ACT.
Why I write: It’s the cheapest form of therapy. It helps me process my experience and learn so that I can be sensitive to my own struggles and, therefore, other people’s struggles.
Thank you for reading!
Tiffany Kent
Your Friendly Wealth Engagement Guide,
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