Becoming the "Man" in the family

Beverly Hills High School Pep Rally Fall 1990

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what really drove me to Wall Street.

Why I chose a world of sharp elbows.

Why I was willing to compete in rooms where I wasn’t “one of the guys.”

Why I stayed—and ultimately thrived—in a game that wasn’t built for me.

For years, I was told a simple story: Finance is one of the best games in town.

If you can learn it, play it, and stay in it—you can build real independence.

And I still believe that.

But recently, I realized something deeper.

It Didn’t Start on Wall Street

It started at home.

As a teenager, I became my mom’s financial caretaker.

I helped her:

• Pay monthly bills

• Balance her checkbook

• Make sure things didn’t fall through the cracks

At the time, I didn’t think of it as anything unusual. I was just helping.

But looking back, that experience did something powerful:

It gave me confidence around money before I even knew I was building it.

While other girls were learning how to nurture, support, and caretake emotionally (which is incredibly valuable), I was learning how to:

• Take responsibility

• Make decisions

• Solve financial problems

• Step into pressure

Without realizing it, I was developing a different muscle.

The Unexpected Trade-Off

Here’s the part I didn’t see coming.

Becoming the financial caretaker gave me strength. But it also came with a cost.

When you step into responsibility early—especially in a role that traditionally isn’t “yours”—you don’t always develop the other side as naturally.

In my case:

I became very good at analyzing.

Very good at getting things done.

Very good at solving.

But not always as good at:

• Letting go

• Receiving help

• Being taken care of

It’s hard to fully develop both roles at the same time.

What Most Girls Are Taught

Most young girls grow up modeling incredible women.

Mothers who:

• Hold families together

• Anticipate needs

• Put others first

• Carry emotional weight quietly and consistently

That kind of caretaking is powerful.

But it’s only one side of the equation.

What’s often missing is exposure to the other role—the one traditionally assigned to “the man” in the family:

• Financial responsibility

• Strategic decision-making

• Ownership of money

• Long-term planning

The Role That Changes Everything

Here’s my biggest takeaway:

Girls need to learn how to step into that financial role too.

Not instead of being nurturing. Not instead of being empathetic.

But in addition to it.

Because learning how to:

• Make money

• Manage money

• Take financial ownership

…does something profound.

It gives you agency.

And agency compounds.

It shows up in:

• Your career choices

• Your relationships

• Your ability to walk away

• Your confidence in uncertain moments

The Real Dividend

We talk a lot about financial returns.

But this might be the most important one:

Confidence.

The kind that comes from knowing:

“I can take care of myself.”

Not just emotionally. Not just relationally. But financially.

Final Thought

Maybe the goal isn’t to become “the man” in the family.

Maybe it’s this:

To understand both roles well enough that you are never dependent on one—and never limited by the other.

Because when you do that…

You’re not playing someone else’s game anymore.

You’re designing your own. 

If you feel like money and finances are too complicated, I can help.

Reach out!

Tiffany Kent

Your Friendly Wealth Engagement Guide

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